A MaryBob Story
by civateteo
Summary: It's a Mary-Bob story (Mary-Sue's a guy - it's not slash... find out), one that is not like another [I think]. It needs feedback, and suggestions. Enjoy!
1. Default Chapter

Prologue  
  
You really don't need to know my real name. All you need to know that I am known as Civateteo, and I was coerced into writing this. Yes, this story. Or rather as they put it, this account. It's not that bad, really. You only need to give it a chance. It's not really the best, but it's not hacknayed. At least, that's what I think. Of course, this is my story, and authors have a habit of thinking high of themselves. Maybe it's just me.  
  
It all started on New Year's Eve, before I was due to go to a large bash my friends were giving. I had no wish to go, but I was obliged to. I had more or less promised my friend I was going, so I had to go.  
  
I was walking down the stairs in my dress, over-coat and high-heels. A big, big mistake. I have absolutely no balance at all, and going down the stairs with heels... oh boy. I missed a step, tumbled, and ended up on the floor, unconscious.  
  
All right, I know. It sounds completely made-up and totally... hackneyed, but oh well. Let me continue. Bear with me, and if this is a horrible account, you can flame me. You probably know what's happening. I didn't. Not then, at least. But give me a chance, and let me tell this story. It's not as it looks like.  
  
I woke up not in my house, but in a wood, with four horses surrounding me. Yes, horses in the middle of the forest, and very mean-looking people staring down at me. One of them leapt off his horse, and knelt by me.  
  
By heavens, I could have died right there. Quite literally, too. He was absolutely gorgeous, and held a blade to my throat, pressing it harshly against my throat. His hair was long, dark and drawn back behind his ears. His pointy ears, I might add. An elf! AN ELF!!! It couldn't be happening.  
  
"Who are you?" he asked, his voice coldly polite and accented.  
  
I think my brain had stopped working. "You're an elf." Yes, it had stopped.  
  
"I did not ask who I am. I am asking who you are." The knife pressed deeper into my throat.  
  
I tried to push his hand away, but it didn't work. "Civateteo. Human. Let me go."  
  
"And where from?" He had not let me go. I was liking this elf less and less.  
  
"Um... Rohan?" It had to be Middle-Earth. Elves this gorgeous, uh-huh.  
  
"And your golden hair?" I winced, remembering my dark hair, and un-Rohanian features. But on the good side, it was Middle-Earth.  
  
"Enough, Elrohir. Let her go." Another elf approached us, both identical to each other.  
  
Elrohir? ELROHIR? And the one beside him mist have been Elladan. I had indeed died, and gone to heaven. And the best parts were coming up Legolas, Glorfindel, Haldir... but at that moment, a horrible thought appeared. I was going to become the dreaded Mary-Sue. And all will hate me for it. All... the world (at least the portion that reads fanfiction)! No, it must not happen.  
  
"Are you not going to get up?" Elladan now knelt by me, his kinder face showing concern.  
  
"Hold on... I need to make something clear. You are Elladan, Elrond's son, right?" He nodded, a bit uneasy. "And this is the time when the One Ring is around, correct?" He nodded again. "Oh, no. Oh no. I have to go. I have to go back to Rohan, and... and -" I scrambled to my feet, ready to run anywhere but to Imladris.  
  
"You are not leaving." Elrohir stepped into my path, blocking my way. And let me tell you. Six feet worth of elf is not easy to get past. Especially if you're five foot five, have absolutely no power or balance, and in a state of shock. All right, not shock, but close.  
  
I put my hands on my hips, indignant. "And why not?"  
  
"Because you may be a spy, and you must meet our father so he can pass his judgement." Elrohir's eyes narrowed, regarding me suspiciously.  
  
"I'm not a spy." I took a step forward, ready to bring out the menacing human in me, but sadly, my left heel gave out, and I had no chance to match the elf. I was still wearing the dress, overcoat and heels. Not forest-wear, but thankfully, I was not transformed into a female Ranger or an elf automatically.  
  
"Don't you think a spy would be spying rather than sitting on the floor?" I started yelling at him from the floor. "I would not be here if I were a spy, damn you!"  
  
He gave me a cold glance, then looked to the rest of the group. "We have little time to waste. Put her on a horse. We make for Imladris immediately."  
  
I gave up, and took Elladan's hand. "You have most likely sprained your foot, Lady Civateteo. We will be in Imladris in a day or so."  
  
I gritted my teeth, and limped after Elladan, using his arm as a support. "Lovely." He led me to his horse, a large chestnut. I didn't quite like horses, and eyed the horse warily. He eyed me back.  
  
"He will not mind an extra rider. Come." He gave me a friendly smile, and leapt up onto the horse's back. "What puzzles me is why a maiden of the Mark would wear such clothes." Elladan reached down, and held out his hand.  
  
"Hold on..." I bent and loosened the straps of my shoes, and stepped out. "Well, you see... not all Rohan people like... or ride horses." I tucked the stupid heels into my overcoat pockets, and accepted his hand. He pulled me up, and I scrambled hurriedly, holding onto his tunic, until I was seated behind him.  
  
Thank the Valar the dress was not a straight one, but was loose, and riding astride wasn't too much of a problem. Elrohir rode up to us.  
  
"Are you ready, brother?"  
  
"Lead the way." Elrohir waved to the two other elves (the strong, silent types, I suppose). "Are you ready, Lady Civateteo?" Elladan asked. "You might want to hold onto me, in case you would fall off. The road ahead is a treacherous one to strangers."  
  
"I'm all right, thanks. Full steam ahead." I grabbed a handful of his tunic as he whispered to his horse, and off we went. There was no chance to talk during the wild ride through the forest. Thank heavens. I was trying to sort out the craziness that was flocking my brain.  
  
So I was heading for Imladris. The place where everything begins and becomes a disaster. I am so going to hide, and wait until the Fellowship leaves, then come out. Well, maybe get a glimpse or two of the Fellowship, then find a way back home. A nice, solid plan.  
  
Too bad it didn't work. Things had gone totally out of hand, and I didn't know it yet.  
  
  
  
DISCLAIMER: Nothing belongs to me, except for myself, the horses, Civateteo, and probably the plot... yeah. I won't sell this or stuff. Everything belongs to the rightful owners. 


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
  
We eventually got to Rivendell. With a few delays, no more.  
  
"I've had it! You stop harassing me, Elrohir, or I swear, I will feed you to the dwarves of the Lonely Mountain!"  
  
Yep. Only a few. But the bigger point was the fact that we did get to Rivendell, and within a few moments, I was hobbled down through Rivendell, and ushered into a small room to wait. No doubt Elrohir would be telling Daddy about his little 'spy' theory, and if Lord Elrond believed him, I was toast. Maybe literally. If elves ate humans, would that be cannibalism?  
  
I stared at the wall before me, and wondered if I would be able to even see the Fellowship. I suppose I could tell the truth... but... nah. Forget that one. I was going to stick to the old Rohan trick, and hope no one would notice a dark-haired Rohanian. If I made it through the personal interview with who I considered the scariest elf (other than Thranduil and Galadriel [did you see the trend? Elven rulers...]) in existence.  
  
"You must be thinking very hard, or find the wall very interesting indeed." I looked up, and saw Elladan standing by my chair, quite startling me. "Of course, you might have been sleeping, but you sleep your eyes closed, human fashion."  
  
"All right. So where's the questioning party?" I asked lightly, trying to calm my nerves.  
  
"They are coming; I am here to bid you farewell for now. Elrohir and I must ride to the north - there are some things that must be done."  
  
"Yeah. Thanks for everything, by the way. I'll see you later then. Namarie, is it?"  
  
"You know a bit of elvish!"  
  
Of course! Which avid reader of Tolkien didn't? All right. Avid reader after the first film. I won't lie. Too often.  
  
"Just a smattering here and there."  
  
"Namarie, nin mellon." He left, and I was alone, worrying about Elrond, the Mary-Sueness of these events, and how to get home in time for the New Year's bash.  
  
Presently, there was a light knock at the door and two elves entered. Neither of them were Elrond, thank the heavens. One of them - the taller one - was adored with golden locks and a regal figure. Not one to be messed with. The other was dark-haired, and more neatly dressed, almost like a businessman in elven robes (if that was possible).  
  
I would have given a sigh of relief, in not seeing Elrond yet, but I had read the books. I know who the two elves were. Indeed I did. Glorfindel, the slayer of the Balrog (and zombie) and warrior of Rivendell and Erestor, the chief advisor of Elrond. I was in trouble.  
  
I rose on my wobbly feet in attempt to curtsey or bow... I wasn't sure, but my ankle buckled and I fell gracelessly into the seat again, with a yowl of pain. The two elves glanced at each other, but sat down across from me.  
  
"Lord Elrond is occupied at the moment, but he has sent us to make you welcome at Rivendell," Glorfindel started.  
  
My eyebrows shot up in surprise. Welcome? My mouth was one step further, it seems. "Thank-you, Lord Glorfindel. But I'm sure you have questions for me."  
  
Glorfindel looked surprised. "You know who we are?"  
  
Oops. I thought quickly. "Well, there are many tales about Rivendell, Lord Glorfindel. And I'm a fond listener of such tales. You're both known to me." I smiled weakly.  
  
"Elrohir tells us you are from Rohan, Lady Civateteo," Erestor said, steepling his slender fingers against each other.  
  
"Well, yes. Actually, it's along the borders of Rohan... Firien Wood." Thank the Valar for the long map examining sessions, in search of the perfect place where I would settle in Middle-Earth once I had retired. "It's not too well known for anything," I added, warming to the subject.  
  
They nodded politely, glancing at each other again. "Why have you traveled to Rivendell?" Glorfindel asked.  
  
I was draining my resources quicker than I thought. Thinking on my feet had never bode well. "I uh... wanted to see it for myself... and to travel."  
  
"Forgive me for saying so, but you are not dressed to travel, Lady Civateteo," Erestor indicated my coat, dress and stockings (shoes were in my coat still).  
  
I blinked several times. Dead-end. Like really dead. "Erm... well, you see..." I stopped, and looked at the two wise elves. I felt my despair rise, and my confidence sink. What was I thinking? I couldn't lie to the Eldar! Even as the master of deception and lies... no way.  
  
I spilt everything as fast as I could without tripping over my tongue... that is fairly fast. "All right! The truth is, I'm from Earth. Not Middle-Earth, but Earth. I dropped into your universe and now I'm turning into a Mary-Sue. I can't be a Mary-Sue! I'm going to kill myself. I can't see the Fellowship, I can't join it, I can't be at the Council of Elrond, no, no, no!" I finally took a breath, then another. I had been speed talking, and apparently, Elven ears weren't meant to follow human speech.  
  
"Are you ill?" They seemed genuinely alarmed.  
  
"Yes! I mean, no. I'm not insane!"  
  
"Perhaps you should rest, and we can talk in the morning," Erestor suggested. "The journey must have been harrowing."  
  
"How did you know about the Council?"  
  
Oops. I've done it again. "I'm... a seer?" I took a deep breath. "That's why I can't go, don't you see? I have to go back home. I'm going to ruin everything. I will give away everything, there-by becoming a Mary-sue, and I'm going to save people's lives, make the story perfect, change reality and create havoc!" I clapped a hand over my mouth. Idiot.  
  
*  
  
The end verdict was innocent. Not a spy, and I would not bring harm to Rivendell. The diagnosis was insane, but harmless. Memory loss, and a strange imagination. I wasn't too pleased with that, but had no choice but to accept their conclusions. Who was I to question elves?  
  
Over the next few weeks, I was allowed to roam Imladris. However, often closely followed by Erestor, especially when I was in the library, picking my way through elvish, desperately wishing for the appendixes.  
  
"You are a scholar?" Erestor inquired politely, writing some kind of journal or report.  
  
"Something like it." I picked up a quill, and scribbled something on a piece of paper, a note to myself. "Actually, more a writer than anything else."  
  
"Ah." He had a pondering note in his tone. "The Council of Elrond will start soon. We would like to have a seer present."  
  
"I've told you - Elrond will send out a Fellowship. The end. Nine people. The four hobbits - Frodo, Samwise, Peregrin, Meriadoc, two men... Aragorn and Boromir. A dwarf would be Gimili, Legolas for the elves, and that's... eight. Who am I missing... oh, a wizard, Gandalf. I'm not saying anything else. I told you - I'd -"  
  
"I understand," he said quickly. "You cannot reveal the future, or else all will be ruined."  
  
"Good." I was taken back by the reciting tone in his voice. "It's settled. I'm not going to the Council. You can fill me in when it's over. Actually, never mind. I know already. You should be going."  
  
"If I stayed, would you tell me what transpires?"  
  
"No. Absolutely not." I smiled slyly. "If I did, then Middle-"  
  
He left in a hurry.  
  
*  
  
Are you with me so far? I know, it's boring. But I'm getting there. So. The Council of Elrond. I had not ventured out of the library in the past week, though Erestor informed me there were many, many visitors. I couldn't see them. I couldn't bear to see them, then not follow them.  
  
Anyway, Erestor found me in the library after a couple of hours. I was just beginning to read the only book in Westron, but he pulled it out of my hand.  
  
"You are a scholar?" he asked again.  
  
"Yes. I mean, no. More of a writer and reader. Has the Fellowship departed yet?"  
  
"Not yet."  
  
"Has the Company been chosen yet?"  
  
"Yes." Oh boy. Movie-version. Fine. I can deal with that. I didn't have my books with me.  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
"Lord Elrond requests your company, Lady Civateteo." I reluctantly got to my feet, careful as not to trip over the borrowed robes (too big for me, but makes a great broom whilst I walk), and followed Erestor to the courtyard. Elrond was there, and talking quietly to another elf of his House.  
  
"Lord Elrond?" Erestor pushed me forward gently.  
  
"Ah. Lady Civateteo." Elrond took my arm, and pulled me to a group of people and a pony. "I understand you do not wish to accompany the Fellowship, but will you not meet them and council them?"  
  
"Meet them?" His stern expression was even sterner than usual. "Council them?" Parrot.  
  
"Yes. You are a seer as you claim, and we think it is best." He's hard to refuse. There they were. The Nine. Oh, my blessed. "Mithrandir."  
  
Gandalf turned, and regarded me with cool blue eyes. "This is Gandalf the Grey." Duh.  
  
"The gift of foresight is rare indeed," Gandalf said, leaning on his staff. "Have you anything to tell the Company before we part from Rivendell?"  
  
Erm... be careful, and look both ways before crossing the streets. Of course. Why would anyone refuse such excellent advice from a phony fortune-teller? I felt Elrond's eyes burning a hole through my head. "Be careful of the Crebain. And Saruman... he'll try and take the Ring. But you know this, right?" I bit my lip.  
  
"Who is this?" I nearly swooned. Legolas looked even better up close. And his accent? Whoosh, thump.  
  
"Hi. Just a passer-by." All right, moron. Get a grip. You'll never have him. "You know, Legolas, you should work on your aim on running orcs with torches, but don't work too hard... you won't be seeing that bow for too long... Whoo, I've said too much." I turned away, and hit myself. Idiot! What a think to say to an elf! His aim for all things.  
  
Elrond's eyebrow was raised in question. I only shrugged, and turned around again. Glorfindel was whispering something to Legolas. Most likely something about an insane Rohanian seer. I made a face, but rubbed my hands gleefully. Who to terrorize? I looked around, and caught sight of Arwen Undomiel. I had the pleasure of meeting her not long after my arrival. She now had the saddest expression on her face...  
  
I rounded on Elrond. "Will you stop giving Arwen such a hard time?" Elrond's expression became stony. "She loves the guy. She's made her decisions. You're being selfish. Stop it already." I was about to go on and lecture about the pressures of being in love and in-laws, but Erestor was there, and had clapped a hand over the motor mouth.  
  
"My Lord, we were about to examine history texts... excuse us." He dragged me away, away from the Fellowship, away from Legolas... I hated him.  
  
"What are you thinking of, dragging me away?" I finally exploded, in an alcove of trees far away from the Fellowship and the ruler of Imladris.  
  
"No, it is what are YOU thinking of?" he crossed his arms over his chest, and gave me his best 'Elrond stance.'  
  
"I'm thinking that guy is the problem! He sends out nine people to go do the task he should have done a million years ago! He could have just pushed Isildor into Mount Doom, but he didn't! HE allowed evil to endure, and now all the blame lies on Aragorn! He's pressuring his kid into leaving the guy she loves forever, because... well, who knows? Two people will die because of him, and one will come back, but that doesn't count. The Fellowship will be broken, and only two hobbits will make it to the mountain, not to mention a deformed one! Poor Frodo - he gets his hand bitten off, but that's all right. Why? Because Elrond didn't push Isildor in! I mean, can you get any thicker? You just push the guy in. Done. Finished. Of course, it would ruin reality as we know it on Earth, and there wouldn't be any books except for the Silmarillion and the Lost Tales... God, I sound like a Mary-Sue.... I'll stop now."  
  
There was silence. Erestor looked as if he was going to faint or run away. But he didn't have a chance to do either. From far away, there came the sound of an atomic bomb exploding, then silence.  
  
"What was that?" I whispered, clutching at Erestor's arm. I must have bruised his perfect elf skin.  
  
"I do not know," he whispered back. We listened silently for a moment, before he spoke again. "It came from the courtyard." That's what I thought too.  
  
"Come on, let's find out." I pulled his arm, and we started for the courtyard. Before a dozen steps were taken, a piercing scream came from the courtyard, followed by yells and shouts. Without anymore thought, we raced to the courtyard. At least, I did. Erestor jogged. Yeah, right. Believe what you want to.  
  
Through the panic and mayhem, running elves and all that hair, we fought our way through to the front, and saw what the panic was about.  
  
This time, Erestor fainted.  
  
  
  
[A/N: So what do you think? Should I continue, or is this just BS?]  
  
  
DISCLAIMER: Nothing belongs to me, except for myself, the horses, Civateteo, and probably the plot... yeah. I won't sell this or stuff. Everything belongs to the rightful owners. 


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
All right. This is where the story picks up a bit. I promise.  
  
Erestor was heavy. He also wouldn't wake up. My legs gave out (on both Erestor's weight and the sight before me), and I sat heavily onto the paved elven road, dumbstruck. There was no way this could be happening. It defied everything. Absolutely everything.  
  
Lying unconscious in the middle of the courtyard was a person dressed in a hockey uniform, from helmet to stick to blades. Sprawled around him was the Fellowship. As a side note, this hadn't defied anything yet.  
  
"Oh my god." I got up, carefully making sure the chief advisor's head didn't knock into the stones. I slowly walked up to the ten on the cobbled yard, and stared around. "Merciful heavens. I am going crazy. I need to wake up."  
  
Unfortunately, I was already awake, but another joined. Legolas groaned and turned around, blinking at the sun. He pulled his long hair from his face, and for the second time, I got a clear look at him. He was no longer Legolas Greenleaf. He was a woman, just like the rest of the Fellowship.  
  
I shrieked, and fainted dead away.  
  
*  
  
The five of us sat in Elrond's study, silent and fidgety. Lords Elrond, Glorfindel and Erestor. The Rohanian seer, and the hockey jock.  
  
"Who are you? Where am I? Two questions." The hockey jock held up two fingers and wiggled them in my face. I pushed his fingers away and glowered. My head was hurting, because I had fainted at an inconvenient time and place.  
  
Erestor, on the other hand, had perfect timing.  
  
"What is he?" the fainter asked. First words to me since his swoon, and not a word of thanks. I was not happy.  
  
"Blonde, muscles, hockey uniform... I don't know. Oh, add the arrogance and idiocy. He's a golfer. Nevermind - you wouldn't know." He glared, having recognized my sarcasm. "Human! He is a human!" I exploded.  
  
"I demand to know where I am! Who are you people?"  
  
"You are in Rivendell," Elrond spoke up warily. "We are elves." He glanced at me. "At least, most of us are."  
  
"And the rest of us pretend," I muttered.  
  
The hockey jock snorted. "Elves. Sure. Just a bunch of hippies in funny clothes. What are you, actors?"  
  
"Do you doubt the word of Lord Elrond?" Glorfindel stood angrily, ready to beat the guy to death with a spoon.  
  
"Well, who is Lord Elrond? Where is Rivendell?"  
  
"Do you always ask two questions at a time?" I shook my head. Hockey people.  
  
"I am Elrond, and Rivendell is the Last Homely House. Who are you?"  
  
"Hey, dud, I ask the questions around here." The idiot slapped his chest with a gloved hand. Bad idea. Glorfindel had him pinned against the wall with a knife against the jock's neck, before you could say 'moron.'  
  
"Bad idea." I got up from the chair, and went over to the sixteen foot elf, and pulled him away. "Lord Glorfindel, that's what I would do, but not now. We need an answer to our problem. At least, this one big honking one."  
  
"For once, she is starting to make any sense."  
  
"Thank-you, my lord. I now wish I had let you fall." Glorfindel stepped back, and I took his place in front of him. Towering over me by a head (five foot-five was no place to be in Middle-Earth, except in the Shire), he had somehow kept his full gear, and didn't look the least bit intimidating. Well... all right, he did. Only a bit, though.  
  
I yanked his stick from him (before he could think to do damage with it), and pointed at his skates. "Take them off. You're ruining Lord Elrond's carpets." The guy glared at me, purposely grinding his left foot slowly. "Lord Glorfindel, may I borrow your knife?" He hurriedly stopped and bent to unlace his skates. When he was standing about three quarters of a head above me, I nodded at the helmet. He complied, and tossed it with his skates. Thought so. Blond hair, blue eyes, arrogant behavior, and not a shred of intelligence.  
  
"All right. Here are the rules: we ask the questions. Anything goes wrong, Glorfindel would love to feed you to trolls. Do you understand? Good. Remember, manners are good, and no rudeness. What's your name?"  
  
"Bob Mornsen."  
  
"Oh. And where are you from?"  
  
"Canada. Toronto."  
  
"Earth. So why are you here at all? How did you get here?"  
  
"Have we met?"  
  
"Answer the question."  
  
"Thank-you, Lord Erestor. May I continue?"  
  
"Look, lady. I was at hockey practice, and someone checked into me. I fell, blacked out, and woke up here. Capice?"  
  
"Don't you take that tone with me." I poked a finger in his chest menacingly. "Now go sit down." Well, if one cannot boss elves, men would do.  
  
I turned to the three elves, and chewed on my lip.  
  
"What is it?" Elrond asked. "Why is he here, and where has he come from?"  
  
"I have an answer for the last question, a theory on the second, and I've answered the first." I sighed. "He's from Earth."  
  
"Oh, Valar, not that again." Erestor shook his head.  
  
"I might be crazy, but I know things." I took a deep breath, and continued. "Actually, I don't know why he's here, but what he's caused. He has turned the whole Fellowship into girls. Females, actually." Erestor was about to interrupt, but I held out my hand. "Let me continue. Please." I sighed, wishing I didn't need to continue.  
  
"In his world, people are constantly changing things... and it's usually a girl who 'joins' the Fellowship, because you know, the Fellowship is a group of guys. And I'm assuming our friend Bob here isn't a gay," I earned a glare from him, "which isn't wrong, but not. Anyways, what if the fiction collapsed under everything, and reversed everything out of spite or something? It makes sense. This follows all the trends. Someone falls out of seemingly nowhere near or around the starting, in time to join the Fellowship. That stops here, but there's more." It looked a lot like my arrival.  
  
"Here, this guy - Bob... drops in out of Earth from hockey practice, with little or a lot of knowledge, and will help the Fellowship. Messing everything."  
  
I stopped, and caught their dumbstruck expressions. "Can we skip this part?" I turned to look at the scowling guy behind me. "I can't explain it." Something dawned on me then. "But you know, it might be because of... nevermind." It was because of me. Or, was it? Was it because I was not cooperating as a Mary-Sue, and THEY had put Bob in... oh boy. I was not going to say anything more. Roasted human indeed.  
  
"Very well," Elrond waved a hand wearily. "But do you have any 'theories' on how to change the Company back?" Elrond rubbed his forehead just below his silver circlet. "That, I am afraid, is the question. We can discuss your other opinions when this task is finished."  
  
"That's easy. We let everything run its course, and hope for the best."  
  
"At this moment, I am glad Erestor is chief advisor. If you were, I would have no doubt Imladris would be at the bottom of the Fords of Bruinen." I heard Erestor snicker from behind me.  
  
"Enough, Glorfindel; I am sure Lady Civateteo is doing her best."  
  
"Before we go any further, I'd like to say Lord Glorfindel has my blessings to live in Mount Doom." I smiled sweetly at Glorfindel, and turned back to Elrond, who had this 'Valar, I hate children' expression on his face. "Things should get back to normal after the Quest is completed, and there's nothing for the Mary-Sue to do." I glanced over my shoulder, and realized something. "Actually, Mary-Bob in this case."  
  
"Hey, has anyone noticed me here? And I'd like to have my stick back. What the hell is happening here? Who the hell are you all?" Mary-Bob stood angrily, and came towards us. Shaking the ground as he came along.  
  
"Humans are very heavy-footed. They are worst than dwarves." Erestor wrinkled his nose.  
  
"We have a crisis on our hands, and all elves are thinking of is trying to poke fun of other races, right? Honestly! It's no wonder you go over the Sea - no one can stand you!"  
  
"Enough! We have a... a crisis on our hands, and all you three do is argue, make witty comments and waste our time!" Elrond pounded on the armrest of his chair on the last word. The three of us jumped at that, guilty of arguing amongst each other. The next thing would be Elrond asking us to shake hands and apologize. But we had an angry hockey player in pads, coming for the stick I had.  
  
I gave it to Glorfindel. I stepped in front of the other human, trying to reason with him. "Bob. Hey." He stopped, just short of running me over. "Good. That's a start. Now can you get out of my personal space? Good, and thanks."  
  
"You, Bob, are in Middle-Earth. Believe it. Please. We are in Rivendell, in the House of Elrond. You, my friend, aren't going back."  
  
"Ha, ha, lady. You guys are just trying to do a gig, aren't you? I know. You have cameras in the walls, and when I finally fall into the trick, you get paid. So how much is Stan paying you?"  
  
"Right. We are all actors, hired by some friend to make you look like a fool on national television. Good job, Sherlock Holmes."  
  
"Do you doubt her word, Bob Mornson?" Elrond spoke up, from his seat.  
  
"If you were sane, yes." I gave Erestor the finger, which, of course, had no meaning. He only smiled back.  
  
I calmed myself down, and faced my fellow human. "Listen, Bob. Have you ever read the book 'The Lord of the Rings?'"  
  
He scrunched his brow in deep thought, and finally answered. "Isn't that a movie?"  
  
"Yes. Have you seen it?"  
  
"Is it the one with midgets and Quidditch?"  
  
My patience nearly snapped. "Quidditch is Harry Potter, Bob. But my point is... you are in the world of the 'Lord of the Rings' movie."  
  
"Bull."  
  
"Those men behind me are not men. They're elves. It's no joke. It's not a gig, it's not anything but real." His expression was blank. ¡§Do you know what elves are?¡¨  
  
¡§They are the Eldar, the firstborn of the world. We are quite real.¡¨ Elrond picked up.  
  
¡§Wake up, Dorothy. You aren¡¦t in Kansas anymore.¡¨ His (Bob¡¦s) mouth opened and closed a few times, and then his eyes rolled back, and he landed on the floor.  
  
¡§Now that¡¦s what happened to me. Erestor on the other hadn¡¦t, had someone to catch him and to make sure his elven head didn¡¦t open on the stone floor. Have you ever thought of installing carpets on your stone floors, Elrond? Now here, Bob was lucky; the floor is carpeted.¡¨  
  
¡§You have my gratitude, Civateteo.¡¨ Erestor bowed deeply, mockery in every motion.  
  
¡§Very well ¡V we have no choice but to trust you, and send the Fellowship on their Quest.¡¨ Elrond rubbed his temple vigorously.  
  
¡§And Bob. You¡¦ll need him to make a mess of the script, and the books.¡¨  
  
He stared at me for the longest time, before saying: ¡§We must make the mortal go?¡¨  
  
¡§Yes, of course. Then if it all goes well, the Fellowship will return to normal¡K gender.¡¨ It was disturbing¡K Legolas as a girl?  
  
¡§And if it does not?¡¨  
  
¡§Then your daughter will most likely go to the Happy Lands ¡V I mean, the Undying Lands with you.¡¨ Silence, then Elrond spoke again.  
  
¡§The Fellowship shall depart within a week. Bob Mornson shall accompany them, and the Lady Civateteo.¡¨ What? ¡§We shall need you to oversee that everything has passed the way you have foreseen it.¡¨  
  
¡§No! There¡¦s no possible way. Bob needs to go ¡V only Bob. You don¡¦t need _another_ tag-along.¡¨ He gave me a look. ¡§Well, eleven¡¦s a nice, round number. Full steam ahead, I say.¡¨  
  
¡§We must see to the Company.¡¨ Elrond stood, and finally noticed Bob¡¦s unconscious form. ¡§Revive him, and see to his needs are sated, Glorfindel. We will be in the library.¡¨  
  
*  
  
Ai, yai, yai. It was a total, complete mess. After questioning the Fellowship carefully, it was revealed that they remembered exactly everything¡K only as if they were female versions of themselves.  
  
It was brilliant, if it hadn¡¦t been disastrous. Not to mention downright scary.  
  
Aragana, Legolette, Gandalfa, Froda, Samantha, Boromary, Meria, Gimila, and Peregrina. See? Brilliant. Take Aragana for example. Picture Viggo Mortensen as a girl¡K actually, she looked not much different, maybe longer lashes and hair, and a bit more feminine, but still Aragorn. You honestly could see the Aragorn under Aragana, and if you pretended hard enough, Aragorn would appear. Only¡K with breasts, you see. Best let sleeping dogs lie.  
  
Thankfully, they still knew their stuff.  
  
So here it was ¡V the fact remained they were departing in a week, with two involuntary sidekicks. Was there anything more unfair? Probably, but not for me. I didn¡¦t even get Legolas. Mind, it¡¦s Legolas, not Legolette. I was miserable.  
  
¡§Is there the slightest chance where none of the Fellowship will change to their original form?¡¨ Elrond, his two closest advisors and I would usually spend countless hours discussing this problem.  
  
¡§Well¡K yes. If our Mary-Bob has something to do after Mount Doom crumbles to dust. For example, he and¡K Boramary fall in love and elope to the¡K the Shire. But then again, there¡¦s a chance where only Boromir will stay and the rest turn back. But usually it¡¦s all or nothing¡K¡¨  
  
¡§It all evolves around this Mary-Bob, does it not?¡¨  
  
¡§Usually. It¡¦s always the Other Character we¡¦re talking about.¡¨  
  
¡§Mary-Bob does not need to leave Rivendell alive, my lord.¡¨ Glorfindel¡¦s eyes slid to the window. We could hear Bob Mornsen¡¦s angry yells at his trainer and teacher for the week. They were trying to teach him some weaponry before he got himself killed by orcs. Then we¡¦d waste time trying to bury him. I was wondering why I wasn¡¦t out there with him. Oh, of course. I was arguing with the three fools.  
  
¡§It¡¦s creative, but no. If Bob gets murdered, then there is a chance no one makes it.¡¨  
  
¡§There is a chance for everything to go wrong, according to your schemes and suggestions!¡¨  
  
¡§Yes. And so does sending nine ¡V no, eleven ¡V beings to destroy the Ring of Power. If Sauron took the Ring, then you can kiss everything goodbye.¡¨ There was silence, as my thought sunk in. ¡§I¡¦m going for a swim. I¡¦ll see you tomorrow.¡¨  
  
  
  
  
[A/N: So what do you think? Should I continue, or is this just BS?]  
  
Thank you to the reviewers, and... well, ok, any notes on this chapter... don't mind the weirdness. At least try not to. Oh, yes. Romance coming up... don't worry, nothing too dramatic. Not well, mayhap a bit, but well... it is my story. :-D (Don't get frightened off - there's honestly not a lot)  
  
DISCLAIMER: Nothing belongs to me, except for myself, the horses, Civateteo, and probably the plot... yeah. I won't sell this or stuff. Everything belongs to the rightful owners. 


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
Rivendell was the perfect haven. It had beauty, peace, and best of all, choice swimming holes. None were forbidden, and the most dangerous thing about them was the mud. It was late enough in the evening for the pools to be empty. Not even elves liked their water too cool, and often swam when the sun was high in the sky, or went to the heated bathhouses.   
  
I myself liked the water cold, and the privacy of ¡¥my¡¦ pool. It was small, but had the most beautiful waterfall in Rivendell. Not many people came to this one. It was much too out-of-the-way for most to want to swim in. Perfect.  
  
I slipped out of my robes and into the water (no bathing suits in this world), shivering slightly. I stopped moving into deeper water. Was that a twig snapping?  
  
¡§Hello? Is there anyone there?¡¨ I squinted, trying to see through the gloom. There wasn¡¦t anyone there. Of course, the falling dusk wasn¡¦t any help. I waited for another moment, then shrugged the feeling of being watched off. I dove into the pool, and stroked out to the falls. It was a beautiful night, with a nice big moon.  
  
It reminded me of the nights back home, when nothing could make me come out of the pool. It was on nights like this when home and Imladris had no difference.  
  
I lay in the water, watching clouds drift back and forth through the skies, my heart content.  
  
¡§I think you had better come out, before you become ill.¡¨  
  
I shrieked, and swallowed some of the water for my troubles. I floundered in the water for a minute before realizing my feet were in the mud.  
  
¡§Erestor! What the hell are you doing here?¡¨ I had recognized his voice, but still couldn¡¦t see him.  
  
¡§I was watching you.¡¨  
  
¡§How long have you been there?¡¨  
  
¡§I think since last week. But for the better part of the hour today.¡¨  
  
I swore, and vainly tried to see him. Yes, I am so smart, trying to spot an elf in the trees, when I could barely see my own hands. ¡§Come out, before I brain you with a broom, Erestor.¡¨  
  
¡§Do you have no wish to get dressed privately?¡¨  
  
¡§Can I trust you to keep you eyes to yourself? Of course not. Come out.¡¨  
  
He stepped out of the trees, and ducked, when I threw a pebble at him. ¡§You are very dead when I get dressed. Turn around.¡¨ He did, and I crept out of the water to where my robes lay.  
  
¡§It is not as if I have not seen you undressed.¡¨ He glanced over his shoulder and quickly turned, when I glared, only half dressed. The outer robes I kept off, not wanting to ruin them with water.  
  
¡§I will gouge your eyes out for that then.¡¨ I pulled on the slip, trying to keep it from clinging to me. ¡§But before I do that, I want to know exactly why you have been watching me.¡¨  
  
He turned, and smirked. "To watch a maiden of Rohan bathe has always fascinated me." He stepped closer to where I stood, dripping wet and suspicious of him.  
  
"And what happened to elven integrity?" I snapped. He was not far away, only an arm's length away. Good. I could see him better. My robe lay at his feet, and he bent to pick it up.  
  
He smiled at me, and stepped forward to give it back. "Are you going to answer me?"  
  
"I will not, because I do not know the answer myself."  
  
"You should ask Elrond then." I pulled on the robe, but it wouldn't budge. "Erestor, let go. I'm going back. You can stay." I tugged on it again, and was relieved when it was in my hands again. He was going weird on me. My relief was short-lived, however.  
  
Upon his release on the robe, he quickly placed both hands on either side of my face, and pressed his lips to mine. Surprised (not to mention scared out of my wits), I pushed him away, using all the force I could muster. I gasped, watching him stumble backwards. Funny. He stumbles and lies sprawled on the grass and my feet were melting, as if I were the Wicked Witch of the West. Or was it the East?  
  
"Erestor...¡¨ I felt horrible. My first kiss, and I had to kill the guy. Not to mention his butt probably hadn't met earth involuntarily in six Ages, since he was graceful elf and all...  
  
"No. Don't say anything." Erestor climbed to his feet awkwardly, not meeting my gaze. "I apologize. It seems as if any elven integrity is thrown away when it concerns you." He bowed, and started walking towards the trees, and to Rivendell. My heart wrenched as I watched him leave the little pool.  
  
Erestor... kissing me of all people? It was utterly bizarre, and absolutely impossible. But it did happen.  
  
Abandoning everything, I raced into the forest after the elf. I caught up to him quickly - he was trudging slowly along, not expecting me to run after him.  
  
"Erestor, stop." I caught his arm, and pulled him to a stop. I placed my hands on either side of his face as he had done to me (tiptoeing and streeetching). ¡§I¡¦m very sorry, Erestor. I¡¦m so sorry.¡¨ I tugged him down, and kissed him.  
  
When we parted, I let go of his face, but held his elbows firmly, so he wouldn¡¦t run - for any reason - and I¡¦d be able to talk. ¡§You startled me at first, and¡K and I need a stool.¡¨  
  
¡§You are not angry?¡¨  
  
¡§No.¡¨  
  
¡§You certainly pushed me hard enough.¡¨ He glanced down, and smiled. ¡§Do you plan for all of Imladris to see you like that?¡¨  
  
I looked down as well, and saw the water had plastered the thin material of the shift to me, leaving little to imagination. ¡§Oh, no. I left my outer¡K it¡¦s by the pool. I¡¦ll go get it.¡¨ I left go of his elbows, and went to get the clothing I had left by the water.  
  
¡§I must be honest with you, Civateteo. I have not been watching you for a week.¡¨ Perhaps he wasn¡¦t much of a Peeping Tom after all. I wrapped the robe around me, and saw him grin impishly. ¡§I have been coming since the first time you¡¦ve bathed in this pool.¡¨  
  
¡§You - how dare you?!¡¨ He quickly kissed me, interrupting any thought or word that came to me.  
  
¡§This is my pool - it has always been, until an unknown maiden started swimming on day before I was about to swim. I stayed, fascinated by the sylph-like creature. I thought it was a visiting elf maiden from one of the other realms, until you emerged. My heart has been yours since that day.¡¨ He pressed his forehead against mine, so that his eyes glinted in the moonlight.  
  
¡§Take me to your bed, Erestor.¡¨  
  
¡§Are you certain?¡¨  
  
¡§Yes.¡¨ I wrapped my arms around his neck when he lifted me effortlessly, and carried me towards Rivendell. It was as if from a fairy tale. My prince had finally come for me. Only, I had needed to enter another world to make it happen. It wasn¡¦t a prince, but an elf-lord. I was hopelessly happy.  
  
*  
  
I¡¦m sparing you the details. Besides, he¡¦s mine - all mine.  
  
Hours later, we lay side by side in his bed, staring up at the elven design on the ceiling.  
  
¡§They must have heard us all the way to Lothlorien,¡¨ I murmured, turning my head to him.  
  
¡§Of course not. Mayhap in Imladris, but never the Golden Wood.¡¨  
  
¡§Good. Because I¡¦d hate for absolutely everyone to know about this.¡¨  
  
¡§Are you ashamed of what we have done?¡¨ he turned in alarm, supporting himself with an elbow.  
  
¡§Of course not. I only want to avoid awkward situations. You know, Elrond¡¦s chief advisor has finally gotten laid.¡¨ I chuckled, and kissed him.  
  
¡§You are exasperating, Civateteo.¡¨ We fell silent, enjoying the comfortable silence.  
  
¡§I am leaving in four days.¡¨  
  
¡§Yes, you are.¡¨  
  
¡§It will be months and months.¡¨  
  
¡§I shall wait for you here.¡¨  
  
I smiled, knowing the truth. ¡§No, darling. I will be waiting for you in Gondor, if Aragorn turns back to normal.¡¨  
  
¡§What in Elebereth¡¦s name are you speaking of?¡¨  
  
¡§You¡¦ll be in Gondor within a year, Erestor. For Aragorn and Arwen¡¦s wedding.¡¨  
  
¡§Then it is true - Arwen will stay in Middle-Earth, and her light diminish?¡¨  
  
¡§I don¡¦t quite know yet. It¡¦s supposed to happen, though. It¡¦s the love story of the century. It¡¦s beautiful.¡¨ I yawned loudly.  
  
¡§You will explain all you know before you depart?¡¨  
  
¡§Yes. Tomorrow.¡¨ I kissed him drowsily before cuddling against him again. ¡§G¡¦night, Erestor.¡¨  
  
¡§Good night.¡¨  
Disclaimer: Very, very little belongs to me, as you can see. 


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
The light from the sun awakened me. Erestor was still sleeping, staring up blankly. Very freaky. For kicks, I propped myself up with my arms and lowered my face to his so we were eye to eye. It was still Very Freaky. But he still wasn¡¦t awake.  
  
I pinched his nose lightly, still a top of him. He suddenly woke, life coming back to his eyes. Giggling madly, I rolled away. I had always wanted to wake someone like that.  
  
¡§What was that for?¡¨ He asked indignantly, recovering from his rude awakening.  
  
"I wanted to wake you. You sleep like the dead."  
  
"As you do," he shot back. "Your lids are shut over your eyes."  
  
I turned onto my belly, and snuggled against him. "I say truce, before we drive everyone mad with our arguing."  
  
"I agree." His hand was idly playing with my hair, while the other held my left hand.  
  
I'm not sure how long we lay there like that, but the next thing I knew... Glorfindel had burst into Erestor's room without knocking.  
  
"Erestor! Do you plan to lie abed all day?" he demanded. I buried my head against the elf in question, praying I wouldn't be seen. "There are other things to - who is that?" no suck luck.  
  
"No one, Glorfindel. Get out of here. I shall be with you shortly," Erestor snapped. I heard Glorfindel retreat, but before he closed the door, he asked:  
  
"Have you seen the mortal woman? Civateteo?" I buried myself deeper under Erestor's arm.  
  
"No. Perhaps you should try the kitchens." The door closed, and Erestor jumped out of bed. I sat up as well. He put his finger to his lips, then leaned to whisper in my ear. "He is standing outside. I... I do not wish him to know. Not yet."  
  
I nodded, and kissed him quickly. He donned his robes hurriedly, and strode to the door while smoothing his hair. I wrapped the sheet around me, and followed him to the door. I pressed my ear to the door, and could hear two elven voices speaking elvish. One of them walked away. I listened for the other set of feet, but couldn¡¦t hear anything.  
  
I listened some more, and decided both of them had gone, only I had not been listening close enough.  
  
First things first. I had to get fresh clothes - mine were still wet. That meant running from one end of the building to another, with only a sheet around me. Without being seen, hopefully.  
  
I opened the door, and looked both ways, and then realized Glorfindel was standing there with his arms crossed over his chest. Busted.  
  
"Good morning, my lady." He grinned broadly at me.  
  
"Oh, hi. Erm... I was just leaving."  
  
"Excellent. I wanted to talk to you about the problems we are having with your fellow human."  
  
"Who - Boromir? I mean, Boramary?" Damn those names.  
  
"No, I meant Bob Mornson."  
  
"All right. I'll meet you later. I'm going to my room first."  
  
"Like that?"  
  
"Yes. Damn everyone who dares to ask." I closed the door to Erestor's room (he needed a lock), and headed down the hallways, with Glorfindel following.  
  
"I must speak bluntly in where Erestor is concerned," Glorfindel said conversationally. "He is more concerned about his books and studies than anything else."  
  
"Why are you telling me this?"  
  
"Because that last maiden he courted ran away to Mirkwood, and was never seen in Imladris again. That was nearly two Ages ago."  
  
"The last time _I_ dated someone was because he asked me to make his ex-girlfriend jealous."  
  
"And you made her jealous?"  
  
"Actually, no. He didn't need me anymore, because he found someone prettier to stand in."  
  
"I suppose this might work. But it might be Erestor that runs to Mirkwood." We stopped in front of my room.  
  
"Thank you, Glorfindel. That was sensitive." I pushed the door open, and closed it gently, laughing at the elves. Glorfindel was such an ass when you really get down to it.  
  
I dropped the sheet, making a mental note about returning it to Erestor when I had the chance. If Glorfindel could burst unannounced into Erestor's bedroom, why couldn't I, to return his sheet? I quickly donned the hand-me-downs from someone who had outgrown her clothes, and stepped to the window.  
  
There was no way down, unless I jumped two stories to the ground. I turned and opened the door, and stepped out. Glorfindel led the way to the training area.  
  
"Did Erestor make his affections known last night?" the blonde warrior asked casually.  
  
"What? What makes you think he did or didn't?" This guy had found me in Erestor's _bed_ for heavens sake!  
  
"He has been very hesitant. He could not decide if you would accept his affections and return them."  
  
"What are you - his confessor?"  
  
He glanced at me, amusement displayed on his face. "He had consumed a bit more wine than was customary for him two weeks before. I knew of his feelings for you within a quarter of an hour. Ah, we are here."  
  
No wonder Erestor was more than hesitant to let Glorfindel know who the 'mysterious' maiden in his bed was. Glorfindel would probably tease him to death. And me along the way.  
  
Bob was tied to a tree. He was also gagged.  
  
"Erm, I take it he's been naughty?"  
  
"He got into an argument with Elrohir."  
  
"Oh, their back?"  
  
"Yes. Elrohir is quick to anger at times, but the barb about Celebrain from the mortal was too much for even Elladan to bear. He would have been thrown into the Ford without his life, but for the warning you gave about the Company. He now is tied to the tree." I could see that.  
  
Celebrain is Elrond's wife, and beloved mother to Arwen, Elladan and Elrohir. In 2509 of the Third Age, she was on her way to Lothlorien when she got hurt, and went over the Sea. Bob had made a big mistake, it seems.  
  
"What do you want me to do?"  
  
"Explain to Elladan and Elrohir why the mortal must live. They have suggested we cut out his tongue and send him to the orcs, trussed and packaged."  
  
"ME?"  
  
"You are the only one who insists he must live."  
  
"Yes, why must he live, my lady?" Elladan appeared, with Elrohir following.  
  
"Because if he doesn't, then the Fellowship won't return to normal."  
  
"Pray, what does 'return to normal' mean, exactly?"  
  
"Oh, no. You haven't heard about the disaster?" I glanced at Glorfindel, who shrugged. I sighed. "This human fell out of nowhere, and when he did, the Company of the Ring turned into females. So... we have to destroy the One Ring, and then hopefully, Bob Mornson can return to where he came from, and everyone get turned back. So you can't kill him. At least, not yet. You can feed him to Sauron after, if he still lives, and is still here."  
  
Elrohir scowled. "You can vouch for him?"  
  
"For what?" I still remembered him. He was the one who nearly cut my head off, because I was too shocked to say anything.  
  
"That he will leave Imladris, and he will cause the return of the true Fellowship?"  
  
I really didn't want to be here. "Yes," I said reluctantly. "He'll be good, or I'll hurt him myself. He's leaving in four days with the rest of us. Can you untie him now?  
He was untied with warnings from Glorfindel, and I was on my way into the forest with Elladan. I had asked him to help me select some wood that could be bent for bows and such.   
  
I was not thinking about bows and arrows... hell no. I was looking for some choice snowshoe frames. I wasn't going to know about the snow, then go blundering into it. It's selfish, I know, but it was too tempting. I wouldn't survive in snow.  
  
I made two classic snowshoe frames... crude, but usable. I hope. If not, then it would be firewood. I used elvish rope (the kind Sam forgot), and secured it to the frame. The only part I couldn't get was how it attached to my leg... or boots. They didn't show how to do it in those winter shows. In the end, I decided to actually tie my feet to the rope, with more rope.  
  
"This contraption is supposed to keep a human atop of snow?" Elladan examined the first finished shoe, while I strung the other one. "It would not keep an elf, let alone a bungling human."  
  
"It will... unless I've made a mistake."  
  
"You plan to meet snow on your journey?"  
  
"Just in case, Elladan. Okay, done. I'm going to put theses away, and then do a bit of research."  
  
"What do you see in the future? Need you a mirror as Lady Galadriel does?"  
  
"It's hard to see. How do you know I can?"  
  
¡§You are being very evasive. But I believe I know of a way to pry the information from you.¡¨  
When Erestor found us, we were sitting at the archery range, waiting for the shot. The elven archer let it go, and moments later, it landed left of the target.  
  
¡§Yes! I win.¡¨ I jumped up and did a victory jig, then grinned at Elladan. ¡§Let¡¦s see¡K I¡¦ll need good boots for the long terrible hike up the mountains and rocks.¡¨  
  
He grumbled, but wrote my request down, along with all the other ones. ¡§I don¡¦t see why you need shoes. Your feet are as thick and as dirty as a hobbit¡¦s.¡¨ I flopped back down, and stretched my feet out. Like every summer, they grew rough and dirty from scampering across rough terrain. It used to be my country home, but now, it was Imladris. It was good for the body, and hell of a lot more convenient than shoes.  
  
¡§The next one¡K I say bulls-eye.¡¨ The archer arched an eyebrow at us.  
  
Elladan went over, and measured the guy up from down, trying to make a prediction.  
  
¡§Is Elladan playing that foolish game?¡¨ Erestor settled down beside me.  
  
¡§Yes.¡¨  
  
¡§What have you staked, my Lady?¡¨  
  
¡§Information. Against goods I¡¦ll need. So far, it¡¦s been boots, a cloak, breeches, a tunic, a hairbrush, erm¡KI think that¡¦s it. How was your morning?¡¨  
  
¡§It¡¦s going to the left,¡¨ Elladan announced, coming back.  
  
¡§It has been busy. Aragorn - Aragana, sorry, has refused to speak to Arwen, which upset her.¡¨ Erestor followed the arrow to the target. It went left.  
  
¡§I¡¦ve won! I¡¦ve won!¡¨ Elladan smirked. ¡§I get a question¡K who is your beloved?¡¨  
  
¡§This is his third time winning,¡¨ I said dryly. ¡§My beloved?¡¨ I glanced at Erestor, who tried his best to hide a smile. ¡§Would you mean beloved friend?¡¨  
  
¡§Lover,¡¨ he said, exasperated. He too glanced at Erestor.  
  
I grinned wildly, and pressed my lips to Erestor's. It lasted longer than it should have, but it was worth it.  
  
"Ah, I know it!" Elladan exclaimed, when we parted. I lay down, and put my head in Erestor's lap. "I hope she does not run to Mirkwood, Lord Erestor."  
  
He played with my hair, and tried to hide the grimace. "She had kin in Mirkwood, Elladan, and she... missed them."  
  
"My lady, did you truly walk from Erestor's room to yours with only a sheet around you, and with Glorfindel behind you?" Erestor frowned suddenly.  
  
¡§What was Glorfindel doing at my door? I thought he had went in search for you.¡¨  
  
¡§And indeed I did, Master Erestor. I did not need to move at all.¡¨ Glorfindel approached us.  
  
¡§How wonderful for you, Glorfindel,¡¨ Erestor muttered, looking a bit sulky. ¡§Is there anything you have not told her?¡¨  
  
Glorfindel stretched out on the grass beside Erestor, and sighed happily, completely oblivious to Erestor¡¦s question. He spoke after a moment. ¡§I have spent the whole morning trying to compose a message to Kind Thranduil, to say his son has been chosen for the Company, but he no longer has a son. He has a daughter. The message must not provoke a rift between the Wood Elves and us.¡¨  
  
"You mean a bigger rift, right? Because to my knowledge, there already is one."  
  
"It is uncanny - she knows much more about our affairs than we do," Elladan muttered.  
  
"Thranduil does not need to know about the Fellowship," Erestor said. "He cannot possibly know whether or not his son has become a female, unless he has been told by us. But you must convince Legolas' kin that there is nothing to worry about, and that what Thranduil does not know will not hurt him."  
  
Glorfindel blinked his eyes several times. "Of course."  
  
"Now, my shining friend, you must help me solve Arwen's problem. She is in tears because of Aragorn. Or, Aragana."  
  
"Keep Arwen away from him - her, until the Fellowship leaves," Glorfindel suggested. "Send her to Lorien."  
  
"The road is dangerous," Elladan said quickly. "Arwen cannot travel to Lothlorien without an escort, and we cannot spare any at this moment."  
  
"She can't go anyway. The Fellowship will pass through Lorien."  
  
"Is there anything you do not know?" Elladan said, annoyed. I smirked at him.  
  
"Peace, son of Elrond. We have more important things to discuss," Glorfindel said to Elladan absently.  
  
"How about the direct approach?" I asked, playing with the grass on the ground. "Just tell the girl to back off, before she ruins her chances." Silence.  
  
"We could do that," Glorfindel finally said.  
  
"She is a sensible maiden," Erestor agreed.  
  
"The Lady Civateteo can speak with her - or to Aragorn. Aragana, I mean." Elladan smiled. "You are brilliant, my lady."  
  
The tables have turned much to quickly for one as I to comprehend. "Me? Shouldn't her brother do that?" I frowned.  
  
"No. Maidens should speak of such things. Brothers are for teasing and advice with weaponry."  
  
"Please, Civateteo, Arwen is hurt because I Aragorn - Aragana's harsh words." Erestor took my hand, and pressed the back of it to his lips.  
  
I scowled up at him, then at the two elves. All of them pitted against a mortal woman... it was cruel.  
  
I sighed. "All right, I'll speak with her. And Aragana. But I'm expecting a big favor when I return."  
  
"If she returns," Elladan murmured.  
  
"He means nothing of it," Glorfindel quickly said. "You shall find Arwen in her rooms, and Aragana with the Company."  
  
I sat up, brushing stray grass bits from my gown. "Where's that?"  
  
"They are with Lord Elrond at the moment."  
  
I scowled again. "If he - she and Arwen kill me, I will extract my revenge. I swear. For useless commands and criminal ignorance. No, it's criminal negligence, is it?" I stood, and stalked towards the heart-broken Evenstar.  
  
*  
  
I knocked on her door, and was asked to come in. Arwen was staring out the window, with a sad expression on her face. "Lady Civateteo. Come and sit with me." She indicated the seat next to her, and resumed looking out the window.  
  
We sat in silence, each lost in thought. It must have been much later when Arwen finally spoke. "I do not know what to do," she whispered, a single tear falling from her eye. "I have lost him."  
  
I nearly cried myself. "No, Not Aragorn, Arwen Undomiel. Whatever... gender he is, you won't loose him. Come hell or high water, you'll marry, and forever be in love." How the hell was I supposed to comfort a woman... elf whose other half was turned into a sword-toting buff maiden?  
  
"He... she doesn't want to speak to me about our troth, but trods on it as if it were a... jest!" Her tears were pouring down her face. What the hell was I to do?  
  
"Well... erm, I'm -" I sighed, a heartfelt one. "Look. Leave it for a year. When everything's blown over and Sauron six feet under, see if the true Aragorn returns."  
  
"And if he does not? What then of my future?"  
  
"Then... worry. But hey. If you stick around, it might turn out to be a whopping big test the... uh, Valar has imposed, to test the strength of love. Yeah."  
  
Arwen wiped her tears away. "Perhaps you are right," she sniffed, then opened her palm. There lay her pendant. "Will you please give Arag - ana," she said with difficulty, "this. Not as a token of love, but as friendship."  
  
I took Arwen's Evenstar pendant, and left the room silently. There was nothing else for me to say. Not to Arwen, t least. I found Aragana in the gardens with Legolette.  
  
I had thus far not mentioned much about the Fellowship members. Not on purpose here, you see. I had been avoiding them, for I didn't want to see their distorted selves, wandering around as if their normal selves had never existed! I couldn't stand it. But I had to, for Arwen's sake. I guess sooner was better than later after all.  
  
I promised myself that if Aragana refused it, then I'd keep it safe, then give it to him when he recovered from his senses.  
  
Aragana and Legolette were speaking in Elvish quickly, and stopped when I came. "Ach, Lady Civateteo. Come and sit, and let us talk of things." Aragana moved over, to make room for me. I nervously sat on the edge of the bench, my courage failing when facing the two... women.  
  
"Hi." I fidgeted, not knowing exactly what to say. Curse those stupid elves and such.  
  
Slowly - very slowly, the conversation turned to Imladris, and its people.  
  
"The High Elves of Rivendell differ from the Wood Elves of Mirkwood," Legolette said.  
  
"That's... pretty interesting, actually." I smiled falsely. "You know, Arag-ana... may I speak with you alone?"  
  
She shrugged a large shoulder, and stood. "I suppose so. My friend, I shall be back." We left Legolette by the trees, and went someway to the small fountain, probably within hearing distance of the elf, but the issue wasn't terribly private.  
  
"What is it you want to speak to me about, little one?" I winced at the term, not liking it better than Bob's call - 'Yo, Civ!'  
  
"I need to speak to you on Lady Arwen's behalf." Her face twisted in indignation. "Hey, just shut up and listen. She wants to give you a token of friendship and... luck." I placed Arwen's token in Aragana's palm. She looked at it for a moment, then sighed.  
  
"Very well. Friendship it will be." Aragana placed it around her neck.  
  
"All right. I'm going to find everyone... I mean, someone. I'll see you around." I left in a hurry, breathing a sigh of relief. I was such a coward.  
  
*  
  
Much later, I was enjoying the night skies with Erestor. I found the skies in Middle-Earth didn't differ much from Earth's starts.  
  
"See, we call that one the North Star, because it always points North, no mater what season."  
  
Erestor laughed, and kissed the top of my head. "Humans are very peculiar in naming things."  
  
"It's the Polaris, and that... is the Little Dipper. It revolves around Polaris during the seasons, when the Earth revolves around the sun."  
  
"Ai, Valar, you are a mystery, little beauty."  
  
I sniffed in annoyance. There was now another calling me 'little.' I wasn't *too* little. Maybe a bit, but not by much. "I am, so you'd better be careful."  
  
"Oh, my love, would I dream to be otherwise?"  
  
"According to Glorfindel -"  
  
"Has Glorfindel spared me no dignity?" he asked grumpily.  
  
"No, dear. That's what friends are for. He told me you usually have you nose stuck in your books, and would fall off a cliff, had there been no walls in the library."  
  
"Yes, and he would have... well, none now come to me, but rest assured - he isn't perfect at all." Erestor's face had the most annoyed - and most adorable - expression. I couldn't help giggling, but that only annoyed him the more. "I refuse to be laughed at."  
  
"Oh, come on, spoilsport. You know it's funny." I kissed his frowning lips gently. His lips curled the tinniest iota. "See?"  
  
"It is not." He now had a big grin on his face, despite of his words.  
  
"I know," I said, mocking his frown earlier.  
  
"You, my lady, are absolutely impossible to deal with."  
  
"Kiss me, and it might get better."  
  
"Oh, look who we have here!" A loud voiced hailed us from the trees. Three elves came out from the shadows, one as golden as the sun, and two identically dark. "Why, Lord Erestor, we never thought to find you here!"  
  
"Indeed, Elladan. Why am I surprised at that?" The three elves settled themselves around us, earning a glare from Erestor.  
  
"My lady seer, why do you not regale us with the tales of the things that have yet to come to pass?" Glorfindel asked, stretching out on his back.  
  
"Well, once upon a time -¡¨ I started, but Elrohir interrupted.  
  
"We asked of a tale in the future, not the past, lady."  
  
"All right. So, in the time yet to come," I began again, "three elves will be leaving. Very soon."  
  
"That is a sad tale," Elladan said to Erestor. He (Erestor) only sat stony-faced.  
  
"Indeed which three elves?" Elrohir asked his twin in mock seriousness.  
  
"Ah, I know. The three that accompanied Prince-ss Legolette from the realm of Mirkwood," Elladan replied.  
  
"I have convinced them their prince is still a prince, and the king must not know," Glorfindel said.  
  
"King Thranduil is always displeased with everything," Elrohir said flippantly.  
  
"Wood elves are," his brother agreed.  
  
I buried my head in my hands, and wished for them to leave. Meanwhile, the conversation continued around us, as if we weren't there. I would kill whoever thought to torment us.  
  
"Humans are more fun. Do you remember when Estel was a child, Glorfindel?"  
  
"He's grown much. Humans usually do. I remember when he first came to Imladris. He was like an elfling, only the next day, he had aged a century."  
  
"He was the most adorable child," Elrohir said.  
  
"The messiest."  
  
"The most unthoughtful one."  
  
"You mean the most thoughtful," Elrohir contradicted his mentor. "I seem to recall the time when he brought back a nosegay of flowers for Father he had picked himself."  
  
"Yes, but that particular nosegay made Father's skin itch for the week."  
  
"He also set his bedroom aflame."  
  
"And now, he's all grown up, ready to save Middle-Earth."  
  
"He's ready to sweep Arwen off her feet."  
  
"Our poor sister."  
  
"If Estel turns back, we will have a wedding," Glorfindel commented. "Possibly two," he said slyly, glancing at us. I gritted my teeth. So this was where the conversation was going.  
  
"Father would not be pleased."  
  
"Your father is seldom pleased when his children turn away from him."  
  
"Would he be pleased if his councilors are drawn away?"  
  
"I do not believe he would be overjoyed."  
  
"Did he not give one of his councilors his blessing to be drawn way?"  
  
"He wasn't pleased."  
  
"The councilor insisted, brother. Ada does not quite take to mortals."  
  
"Especially strange mortals."  
  
"But this councilor claimed his love for her unmatched."  
  
"Most lovers would be like that."  
  
"Your father was most upset."  
  
"But he relented. Ada is always like that. He has a face of stone, and a heart of mud."  
  
"Mud? Elladan, why mud?"  
  
"Mud is soft."  
  
"Ah, you are quite the poet."  
  
"I myself has always thought so. But the councilor we are speaking of is even more so. He said that he had fallen in love with the stars themselves."  
  
"Ada asked him what he meant, and -"  
  
"He said that Elebereth herself could not place a brighter start in the sky, let alone in Imladris." As one, we all looked at Erestor, who was hiding in his tunic.  
  
"He is very poetic." Glorfindel broke the moment of silence.  
  
"Who was the councilor? Did you catch his name, brother?"  
  
"No. Glorfindel, did your sharp ears hear his name?"  
  
"Of course not. I was busy sorting the mess we have in Rivendell. Have you heard the lovesick councilor¡¦s name by chance, Erestor? You were with Lord Elrond this day, were you not?" Erestor made an undistinguishable sound from his tunic.  
  
"Oh, for heavens' sake, get out of here," I snapped, glaring at them. "You three are much worse than Balrogs. Move. Stop bothering the guy. And me. Go away, and bother someone else. Please." The three of them laughed uproariously.  
  
"We did not mean any harm," Glorfindel said, grinning broadly.  
  
"Erestor needed a reminder."  
  
"After all, my lady, you re leaving in three days."  
  
"Three days and a bit, Elladan."  
  
"Very well."  
  
"Can you go now?"  
  
"Of course," Elladan said smoothly. "There are other people to annoy, and some to be charmed."  
  
"Have a wonderful evening. May the starts shine brightly."  
  
"Goodnight." Noisily - yet thankfully - they got up, and walked away from the clearing. I looked at Erestor, who had emerged.  
  
"The stars, huh?" his cheeks flushed.  
  
"Oh, Valar, not you too. It was -"  
  
"Very sweet," I interrupted. "And very blasphemous. I hope you don't get struck by lightning."  
  
"I could toss those three into a dwarf mine, and walk away with nary a twinge of guilt," he said grumpily. "They do not know friend from foe, nor jest from torture."  
  
"So Elrond knows, huh? What did he really say?"  
  
"He said I must decide for myself. After all, he is not my father, and I should know best. I do know the best."  
  
I sighed. "Erestor... you know the - I mean, this... relationship might not work. Despite everything."  
  
Erestor frowned, worry creasing his face. "I don't -"  
  
"I didn't think you would. But Erestor, I am mortal, and you are an elf. I'll die, like everyone else. You know that. I mean, do you honestly think this would work?" He took my hand, and held it to him.  
  
"Please do not speak of this now. We are together now, and it does not matter."  
  
"Yes it does. We should stop this, before it starts to get more than difficult." It already difficult as it was. "I would spend the rest of eternity with you, but I can't. I mean, you'll find someone else - preferably an elf - and you'll forget about the mortal you met an Age ago."  
  
"Think you it would take that long?" he smiled playfully.  
  
"Erestor! I'm not joking here."  
  
"Neither an I. There will be none other than the strangest maiden who dropped out of the skies, as if she were from another world."  
  
"There has to be another. There will be, and I don't want you to miss out. Not because of me." I tugged on my hand, but he wouldn't let go.  
  
"When did this nobility come from, Civateteo? You were never like this."  
  
"Let go, Erestor." You'd be surprised at how selfless I am, I thought miserably. But not this time.  
  
"No. I would follow you to the depths of the afterlife."  
  
"That's what I don't want you to do! Erestor, you can't die because of me. You're an elf, and you're supposed to live forever, with the reset of the elves, in the Happy Lands."  
  
"So is Arwen Undomiel... 'Happy Lands?'"  
  
I paused in mid-thought. "Don't worry about that - a nickname." So, he had a point. So is Arwen. Damn it. It was time to change tactics. "You are not special. Arwen is. I mean, you should see what happens to her. She's... well..."  
  
"In love?" He raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Well -"  
  
"Do not go any further." He kissed my hand gently, caressing it with his fingers. "Let us enjoy what time we have before you depart from Imladris. If you... insist on leaving me - we shall discuss that later."  
  
I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath, then opened my eyes. I let out the air, and hugged Erestor tightly. "I hope you rot for making this harder than this already is."  
  
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, my love."  
  
"Yeah."  
Disclaimer: I promise to return ALL characters I have borrowed to their rightful owners... Does it count if they're not alive anymore? [fends off soft fruits thrown] okay, okay. I thought I'd better make sure. :-D 


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
I really wished the final week at Rivendell would last forever, but it didn't. Nothing ever does, and I suppose we have to thank someone for that. After all, the Fellowship would never be restored to former gender, unless we moved our butts.  
  
On the final day of our prolonged stay, Elrond called the whole Company (total of sadly, eleven beings) to a quick meeting. We gathered in the back garden (I suppose it was because the area we were in was open, except for a tree here or there. It was to prevent eavesdropping, I suspected) around a bench Elrond sat on. He had his customary frown on his face, but didn't look too mad about anything. Does that make any sense? Well, I was pretty certain he wasn't mad - it was hard to tell.  
  
I stood at the back, with Gandalfa. Personally, I thought Gandalfa would be a much... well, she'd be easier on the eye if she had her hair tied back, but she took after her male self, and kept it loose. But all in all, she looked like a McGonagall from the Harry Potter series. Don't go there with a female Gandalf, please.  
  
I winked at Erestor (standing next to Elrond), and he rolled his eyes.  
  
"I have gathered you here, to wish you all the best of luck, and to remind all of you about your departure this evening," Elrond started solemnly.  
  
"I think that's our cue to leave," I muttered to Gandalfa.  
  
"Hush, child."  
  
"You are not bound to accompany the Ringbearer further than you wish." Except for me, of course. He had made that perfectly clear when Bob first came. But Elrond droned on an on (about what, I have no idea - I have a bad habit of tuning out of speeches, and tuning back in at the best time to make a stupid remark, and embarrass myself) without pause. I contented myself with staring at the tree next to me.  
  
I probably would have stood there for the rest of the day, had Gandalfa's staff not slammed onto my toe. I choke on my yell, and turned to glare. She gestured to Elrond.  
  
"Well? Are you not going to answer me?" he asked sternly, his eyebrows coming together.  
  
"P-p-pardon?" I stammered, trying to recover my wits. They were currently in the Shire, and loathed to return.  
  
"I asked you if you would stay, so I may speak with you."  
  
"Sure." I saw Glorfindel nudge his friend, who ignored him.  
  
"Pay attention, girl," Gandalfa whispered, before walking away. It was only then did I realize I was the only one standing there.  
  
"Well... I'm here."  
  
"We noticed, Glorfindel said dryly. "We would like to gift you with something before you depart."  
  
"Also, to remind you of your Quest," Elrond added.  
  
"No worries. I've got it covered," I said in an offhand way. That got an exchange of worried glances from the three. Then Elrond handed me a HUGE book, a quill, and an ink cake.  
  
"May these serve you well," he said solemnly.  
  
"You are to write your account of what has happened on your journey," Glorfindel put in.  
  
"I have to write a book?" I asked incredulously.  
  
"Yes. An account, so to speak."  
  
"I don't get a weapon?"  
  
They seemed puzzled. "You do not need a weapon on this journey."  
  
This was absolutely unbelievable. "You mean you are going to give me a book and say 'write,' but not a sword so I can defend myself against flesh-eating orcs, not to mention Uruk-Hai and goblins, then not mentioning the Wargs, Nazguls and evil guys?" my voice had risen to an alarming pitch and I must have looked deranged.  
  
Glorfindel looked taken aback. "But you do no have the knowledge to wield a sword, draw a bow, nor use a staff!" he cried.  
  
"Does it matter?" I shot back. "Who really don't know are the hobbits. I mean, have you seen them in action? Sam doesn't even use his sword in Moria; he uses his pans and Frodo only uses Sting as an orc indicator! Merry and Pippin throw rocks! Gods, if I die, I will come back and destroy you all."  
  
"Moria?" Erestor's frown deepened. "What will you be doing in Moria?"  
  
Crap. "Shouldn't have said that. Nothing. It's the heat, really I have to go - get prepared and all -" I really, truthfully tried to make a run for it, just for the record, you know... but damn those elven reflexes. Glorfindel led me back to where I was before, and I sighed heavily. "Would you believe me if I told you it was a secret?" Stern expressions. "How about if I pleaded temporary derangement?"  
  
Elrond sighed. "We cannot force you to speak, of course, Civateteo. But you are determined to handle a weapon?"  
  
"Hey, I can either improvise, and there, the road splits. You could have a very dead scribe, or a very tattered book. They make great weapons, especially these wood-lined ones. Yeah." I knocked on the book with my knuckles, to prove my point.  
  
Elrond sighed again. "Find Elladan, and ask him to take you to the armory. He shall equip you."  
  
"You had better put the sword in good use, and have not a drop of orc blood on that book," Glorfindel warned.  
  
I stuck my tongue at him, then walked away, with the book and writing utensils tucked under my arm. Gods. I got a --book.-- Can you believe it? And they're sending me on the most dangerous mission there is. Erestor was getting an earful when I get to him.  
  
But I needed something to kick butt with. I found Elrond's son nearby, and dragged him away from his chat with the Mirkwood elves, and told him what I needed. He led me to the Rivendell armory, where he had me try out different swords, and weaponry.  
  
"You do not have the wrist for it," he asked, as another sword fell, being too heavy for me. "You must develop the muscles here," he explained, touching my wrist, "lest you wish for the sword to fall, or for you to injure yourself." He showed me his own wrist, which was bunched up with muscles. A swordsman¡¦s wrist.  
  
"I suppose I don't have a bowman's fingers, then?" I asked, feeling Glorfindel was right. I couldn¡¦t possibly do this.  
  
"No, the bowman's calluses," he corrected, and showed me his own.  
  
"Axe?"  
  
"Not the strength. You barely surpass a dwarf in stature, yet you do not posses their strength." He was laughing at me!  
  
"How about staff? Can I get anywhere with a staff?"  
  
"Do you have the skill?" he countered. He was examining a sword that was nearly taller than me. "Now, see, this blade would be excellent in battling trolls. It is heavy enough for the wielder to do damage."  
  
"I'm not out for trolls, Elladan. I need something I could use, and possibly do battle with. Possibly. Besides, in order to do damage, one must be able to at least support its weight. I need something much lighter." I examined the knives they had in a chest, and inspected them. Excellently made, and well designed. Probably not ones for killing, though.  
  
But as I rooted further into the chest as Elladan was testing a bow, I found one that would be perfect for me. "Here." I held up my chosen blade for Elladan to see. It was slightly longer than my arm, with its hilt included.  
  
Elladan snorted delicately, as an elf does. "Those are for Elflings and Halflings. I would not suggest it."  
  
"I'm keeping it." I swung the sword, liking its slight weight.  
  
"You would want to pull the blade from the sheathe first," he said, talking it from me, and did so. "Why, this is the very blade I used when I was young."  
  
"Oh, good. I was afraid it was Glorfindel's sword. Are you sure it's not rusted because it's been here for a million years?" I teased.  
  
"Nonsense. 'Twas only fifteen years." He handed the little sword back to me.  
  
"Yeah, and your weeks are in six days. It's like an affront to Christianity. I wonder if anyone saw that in Tolkien's age?"  
  
"You shall want knives, as they are useful when your sword has been lost," he said, ignoring what I had said. He handed me a long curved knife, and two smaller ones.  
  
"I don't think will be able to use these. God, I wish I had dropped into 'The Matrix.' Leather coats, guns and everything."  
  
"You shall be able to use them, when the time arises. Do you want mail? We do not have mithril, yet there might be something you can wear." Again, he ignored what I had said. The last part, at least.  
  
"No, I don't want mail. I've got enough gear as it is."  
  
"Do you want a spear? Or a shield, perhaps?"  
  
"No, thank-you, Elladan. I think I'll be going now..." I walked away, as Elladan found another childhood treasure in another chest.  
  
"My first bow! I thought Erestor had snapped it when I colored all his books with berries...."  
So that was how I got an acceptable array of weapons to defend myself kind of properly with. Elladan was my savior at that moment. Oh well, I couldn't very well be mad at Erestor when I left. So we kissed and made up. At least, that's all you need to know for now.  
Disclaimer: Very, very little belongs to me, as you can see.  
  
I've heard this isn't a parody of a Mary-Sue... sigh. It's whatever you want it to be, truly. If it's a Mary-Sue, so be it. If it's a parody, so be it. If it's stupid, so be it. Thank-you for you for your time. :-D 


End file.
